In honor of Limerick Day, which I only just found out existed, I dug up a bunch that I wrote probably about 8 years ago. In Richard's social dance classes, we had to write a one-page "essay" each quarter, to justify him giving us an actual unit. After a few years of this, I occasionally had to get more creative, like when I submitted the following collection of limericks. Many of you Richard-Powers-groupies out there may recognize some of his teaching metaphors. :-)
An arrow protrudes from my chest,
And a laser beam comes from my vest,
I take the blow with my back,
As we roll, Jill and Jack;
The waltz tends t'wards violence, at best!
The hustle, as a dance, isn't funny,
Except when one hops like a bunny,
I simply can't stand,
To see a one-two-three-AND --
It just makes my insides all runny.
Occasionally persons pontifical,
Say the waltz is a dance quite centrifugal,
But whether forces act out,
Or around and about,
Is a question considered most difficul'.
There was a young lady named Cindy,
Who danced a remarkable lindy,
Her skirts and her hair
Just flew through the air,
Whether or not it was windy.
Some people may think you are odd-ish,
When the ska plays, and you dance a schottische,
With a one-two-three-hop,
And some pivots on top,
That makes their legs tangled and knot-ish.
There once was a dancer named Luke,
Who made a bet with a good friend from Duke,
That he could waltz 'round and 'round,
And around and around,
And around, until ready to ... stop.
While attempting to waltz on my toes,
I repeatedly fall on my nose.
It is quite a treat,
To get off of my feet,
But my nose flows a rose on my clothes.
Showing posts with label limericks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label limericks. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Halloween Limericks
Mom is having a Halloween Limerick contest at work and enlisted my suggestions. Here's what you get when you leave me alone for an hour with that idea. Make up your own and leave them in the comments!
From the "I Can't Believe I Ate the Whole Bag" Department
Start with Gobstoppers, Skittles, and Twix,
Add some Baby Ruth bars to the mix,
Stir in the Kit Kats,
And some marshmallow bats,
And your sweet tooth will have quite a fix!
Butterfinger, Snickers, and Mounds,
I measure my carbs by the pound!
With 3 Musketeers,
Coming out of my ears,
My failing heart makes not a sound.
From the "Scary Yet Repentant" Department
When a frightening thing with a sack,
Shows up at the door of my shack,
I shoot it on sight,
Then, very contrite,
I go bury the child out back.
From the "Arsenic and Old Lace" Department
Where the old Brewster sisters abide,
You'll find several dead bodies to hide,
The elderberry wine,
Masks arsenic, strychnine,
And a pinch -- just a pinch! -- of cyanide.
(Yeah, I know, it doesn't scan quite right. Oh well.)
From the "Off-Topic But At Least It's Bipartisan" Department
What really fills me full of fright,
Is the week after Hallowe'en night,
Whether terrorist-pleaser,
Or a senile geezer,
I surely do hope we choose right!
From the "Teasing Mom About Her Limerick Attempts" Department
If your badly-planned limerick dies,
Just pray from the dead it may rise,
To terrorize villages,
With rapings and pillages,
And possibly gouging out eyes.
From the "I Can't Believe I Ate the Whole Bag" Department
Start with Gobstoppers, Skittles, and Twix,
Add some Baby Ruth bars to the mix,
Stir in the Kit Kats,
And some marshmallow bats,
And your sweet tooth will have quite a fix!
Butterfinger, Snickers, and Mounds,
I measure my carbs by the pound!
With 3 Musketeers,
Coming out of my ears,
My failing heart makes not a sound.
From the "Scary Yet Repentant" Department
When a frightening thing with a sack,
Shows up at the door of my shack,
I shoot it on sight,
Then, very contrite,
I go bury the child out back.
From the "Arsenic and Old Lace" Department
Where the old Brewster sisters abide,
You'll find several dead bodies to hide,
The elderberry wine,
Masks arsenic, strychnine,
And a pinch -- just a pinch! -- of cyanide.
(Yeah, I know, it doesn't scan quite right. Oh well.)
From the "Off-Topic But At Least It's Bipartisan" Department
What really fills me full of fright,
Is the week after Hallowe'en night,
Whether terrorist-pleaser,
Or a senile geezer,
I surely do hope we choose right!
From the "Teasing Mom About Her Limerick Attempts" Department
If your badly-planned limerick dies,
Just pray from the dead it may rise,
To terrorize villages,
With rapings and pillages,
And possibly gouging out eyes.
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Ireland, in Limericks
Usually, Limerick's in Ireland, but we'll go the other way here, since I did chronicle my trip in limericks. Enjoy.
Oh, the Long Room at Trinity's a sight,
That librarians dream of at night.
But good luck a-huntin'
For the titles you're wantin' --
They're arranged alphabetically by height!
If ceilís confuse you no end,
Just take heart, pay heed, and attend.
From the Limerick walls,
'Till besieged Ennis falls,
We'll dance them again and again.
A young Irish dancer named Sorcha,
Had a name with an int'resting quir-ika,
With the centermost syllable,
Completely invisible,
I've not seen the like in Amurica. *
Oh, the water in Galway's no jest --
It'll put your good health to the test.
Then you'll drink pesticides,
Just to cleanse your insides,
Of your cryptosporidium guest.
Tara, Newgrange and Monasterboice
Together make my tour of choice,
For throughout Brú na Bóinne,
There's nuthin' annoyin' ya,
While there's much about which to rejoice. **
When Mel Gibson was Braveheart to be,
'Twas to Wicklow, not Scotland, went he.
For the Minister of Arts,
Had filled soldiers' parts,
With the whole Irish Army, for free.
'Round Slea Head I needed no guide,
Just my new hired bike by my side.
Though it remains to be seen,
If I've ruptured my spleen,
From the fifty kilometer ride.
When hiking the Cliffs known as Moher,
I wish I'd put sunblock all o'er.
Crossing fields and streams,
I saw views from my dreams,
But got toasted by quarter past four.
- - - - -
* There are no real rhymes that I could think of for "Sorcha," I'm afraid. I really wanted to make a limerick with rhymes that were audible but not visible, though, so this is kind of a hack.
** You have to squeeze the "Tara" into the pickup beat on this one.
Oh, the Long Room at Trinity's a sight,
That librarians dream of at night.
But good luck a-huntin'
For the titles you're wantin' --
They're arranged alphabetically by height!
If ceilís confuse you no end,
Just take heart, pay heed, and attend.
From the Limerick walls,
'Till besieged Ennis falls,
We'll dance them again and again.
A young Irish dancer named Sorcha,
Had a name with an int'resting quir-ika,
With the centermost syllable,
Completely invisible,
I've not seen the like in Amurica. *
Oh, the water in Galway's no jest --
It'll put your good health to the test.
Then you'll drink pesticides,
Just to cleanse your insides,
Of your cryptosporidium guest.
Tara, Newgrange and Monasterboice
Together make my tour of choice,
For throughout Brú na Bóinne,
There's nuthin' annoyin' ya,
While there's much about which to rejoice. **
When Mel Gibson was Braveheart to be,
'Twas to Wicklow, not Scotland, went he.
For the Minister of Arts,
Had filled soldiers' parts,
With the whole Irish Army, for free.
'Round Slea Head I needed no guide,
Just my new hired bike by my side.
Though it remains to be seen,
If I've ruptured my spleen,
From the fifty kilometer ride.
When hiking the Cliffs known as Moher,
I wish I'd put sunblock all o'er.
Crossing fields and streams,
I saw views from my dreams,
But got toasted by quarter past four.
- - - - -
* There are no real rhymes that I could think of for "Sorcha," I'm afraid. I really wanted to make a limerick with rhymes that were audible but not visible, though, so this is kind of a hack.
** You have to squeeze the "Tara" into the pickup beat on this one.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Britain, in Limericks
So, Miriam being Miriam and me being me, and long train and subway rides being occasionally boring, we came out of the trip with a small collection of limericks, commemorating various places and events. Here they are, in chronological order by subject (not by creation). Enjoy.
The Circle line runs all around
And Picadilly cuts across town
We got on the District
But found we had tricked it
It took us not uptown but down.
After waiting outside for an age
I stood down at the base of the stage
The actors did pace
Right in front of my face
Like fearsome wild beasts in a cage
Just after the play's final scene
We were yearning for Indian cuisine
But nowhere on Drury
Could we find Tandoori
At 11 PM -- that's obscene!
In the beautiful city of Bath
We walked up and down every path
We had to exclaim
Over everything's name:
"Of Bath" and "of Bath" and "of Bath!"
If Bath Spa is your destination
Then throughout your whole visitation
The end of the line
Of each bloody sign
Will remind you about your location
Is Glastonbury Tor worth the fuss?
It was well worth the hiking for us
In the blustery blast
We gazed out 'till half-past
Then we dashed back downhill to the bus
Out at Stonehenge we saw the big rocks
And one of them there even talks
If you ask him politely
He'll tell you that nightly
The Druids dance 'round in their socks.
Sweeping, majestic and regal
Is Salisbury's famous cathedral
But we showed up so late
They were closing the gate
So we sighed and admired the steeple
While training from Salisbury to Bath
Engineering work lay in our path
So onto a bus
They deposited us
While the workers all had a good laugh.
In Yorkshire confusion's complete
Where the terms "bar" and "gate" have me beat
By the river called Ouse
A bar won't serve booze--
It's a gate! And "gate" means a street.
In Scotland's fair capital, people
Can stare, stupefied, at a steeple
Or tarry a while
Upon Royal Mile
And dine upon something uneatable
"Make Poverty History now!"
Cried the Edinburgh protesting crowd
And they marched 'round the street
'Till they fell off their feet
(Or whatever it was they'd avowed).
[for Borden]
Your friends from the U.S. of Am.
Have brought you some shortbread and jam
With thanks for your kindness
They hope you will find this
With love, from Miriam and Graham
There once was a fellow named Gideon
Who lived on the Greenwich Meridian
Inter-hemisphere travel
Makes others unravel
But for him it was strictly quotidian
At Oxford a student named Howard
Had an outlook too ivory-towered
So he switched to All Soul's
And restructured his goals
Now he's hunting the mythical mallard
The Circle line runs all around
And Picadilly cuts across town
We got on the District
But found we had tricked it
It took us not uptown but down.
After waiting outside for an age
I stood down at the base of the stage
The actors did pace
Right in front of my face
Like fearsome wild beasts in a cage
Just after the play's final scene
We were yearning for Indian cuisine
But nowhere on Drury
Could we find Tandoori
At 11 PM -- that's obscene!
In the beautiful city of Bath
We walked up and down every path
We had to exclaim
Over everything's name:
"Of Bath" and "of Bath" and "of Bath!"
If Bath Spa is your destination
Then throughout your whole visitation
The end of the line
Of each bloody sign
Will remind you about your location
Is Glastonbury Tor worth the fuss?
It was well worth the hiking for us
In the blustery blast
We gazed out 'till half-past
Then we dashed back downhill to the bus
Out at Stonehenge we saw the big rocks
And one of them there even talks
If you ask him politely
He'll tell you that nightly
The Druids dance 'round in their socks.
Sweeping, majestic and regal
Is Salisbury's famous cathedral
But we showed up so late
They were closing the gate
So we sighed and admired the steeple
While training from Salisbury to Bath
Engineering work lay in our path
So onto a bus
They deposited us
While the workers all had a good laugh.
In Yorkshire confusion's complete
Where the terms "bar" and "gate" have me beat
By the river called Ouse
A bar won't serve booze--
It's a gate! And "gate" means a street.
In Scotland's fair capital, people
Can stare, stupefied, at a steeple
Or tarry a while
Upon Royal Mile
And dine upon something uneatable
"Make Poverty History now!"
Cried the Edinburgh protesting crowd
And they marched 'round the street
'Till they fell off their feet
(Or whatever it was they'd avowed).
[for Borden]
Your friends from the U.S. of Am.
Have brought you some shortbread and jam
With thanks for your kindness
They hope you will find this
With love, from Miriam and Graham
There once was a fellow named Gideon
Who lived on the Greenwich Meridian
Inter-hemisphere travel
Makes others unravel
But for him it was strictly quotidian
At Oxford a student named Howard
Had an outlook too ivory-towered
So he switched to All Soul's
And restructured his goals
Now he's hunting the mythical mallard
Thursday, October 21, 2004
OEDILF
This is just wonderful: The Omnificent English Dictionary in Limerick Form. The only disappointment was to find that they are only working on a limited set of words at a time -- Aa to Ar right now. So I can't submit the entry I already had for "waltz" (and it'll probably be a very long time before I can). Still, I can see myself spending an inordinate amount of time writing limericks for this thing.
Sunday, February 02, 2003
Well, I'm still muddling along in the Land of the Disconnected. The new DSL stuff should have arrived Friday, but by now it's looking like it'll be at least Monday. Very frustrating. I'm posting from the library again. Anyway, there's more interesting stuph to write about....
I went to the Bon Bon Ball on Friday night. Lagunita dining Hall isn't the greatest place to dance (an oblong, slippery floor covered with lots of beginners) but it was still fairly fun. The lovely Tina Wong has graciously agreed to be my date to the Viennese Ball. Lucky me. I skipped the Swing Kids dance last night. I'm sure it was fun, but I felt like having more of a quiet evening. Instead, I watched Summer Stock, a Gene Kelly movie I hadn't seen before. I particularly liked the bit where he was dancing on newspapers and squeeky floorboards for sound effects. That was a really cute scene.
I also got to talk with Quena last night. She's TA-ing a dance class at Davis and passing on some of the dance limericks I wrote for a dance class essay a couple years ago. She said they're doing hustle now, so she told everyone my hustle limerick. I'll put it here simply because I amuse myself:
The hustle, as a dance, isn't funny,
Except when one hops like a bunny.
I simply can't stand
To see a one-two-three-AND --
It just makes my insides all runny.
And as for today -- Happy Candlemas! Mom and Jim and Lacey and I used to decorate candles at Candlemas, cutting out strips of colored wax to put on them. We'd cover them with pictures of the past year, or things to look forward to for the next year, or just random stuff. I haven't done that for a few years, but I kind of miss it. I can burn my spiffy colored drip candle today, though. I got some new candles from Monee and I found a bigger, better bottle to put them in and drip them onto.
I went to the Bon Bon Ball on Friday night. Lagunita dining Hall isn't the greatest place to dance (an oblong, slippery floor covered with lots of beginners) but it was still fairly fun. The lovely Tina Wong has graciously agreed to be my date to the Viennese Ball. Lucky me. I skipped the Swing Kids dance last night. I'm sure it was fun, but I felt like having more of a quiet evening. Instead, I watched Summer Stock, a Gene Kelly movie I hadn't seen before. I particularly liked the bit where he was dancing on newspapers and squeeky floorboards for sound effects. That was a really cute scene.
I also got to talk with Quena last night. She's TA-ing a dance class at Davis and passing on some of the dance limericks I wrote for a dance class essay a couple years ago. She said they're doing hustle now, so she told everyone my hustle limerick. I'll put it here simply because I amuse myself:
The hustle, as a dance, isn't funny,
Except when one hops like a bunny.
I simply can't stand
To see a one-two-three-AND --
It just makes my insides all runny.
And as for today -- Happy Candlemas! Mom and Jim and Lacey and I used to decorate candles at Candlemas, cutting out strips of colored wax to put on them. We'd cover them with pictures of the past year, or things to look forward to for the next year, or just random stuff. I haven't done that for a few years, but I kind of miss it. I can burn my spiffy colored drip candle today, though. I got some new candles from Monee and I found a bigger, better bottle to put them in and drip them onto.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)