Conversations with Guy, Volume I: Chapter 3

I got to enjoy another Glanville visit recently, and Guy is doing a lot more in the way of actual sentences now, which is fun. And though he’s not actually reading yet, there were a couple times that I opened a favorite book at random and he said exactly what was on the page. He also calls me “muncle Tandava,” which is adorable.

One thing he’s doing a lot now is pointing enthusiastically at anything that catches his attention, and exclaiming “LOOook!” It’s especially cute when you ask him what it is he’s pointing to, and he replies in the exact same tone of fascination and amazement, “I -o- KNOOOW!” He’ll do this with all sorts of things, “regarding with equal gaze,” as the Bhagavad Gita says, “a clod of mud, a stone, and a bar of gold.”

He’s also counting now, and especially enjoys the 1-2-3 game (as in: count to three and then do something together, usually eating a raisin or something). I made him count most of the time, and he pretty quickly found ways to trick me with it. The obvious way was 1-2-eat-the-raisin-early. One version I particularly liked was “one... two... thr-YOU count!” Another time he went “one... two... [long pause, thinking] ... what comes after [s]even?” That got such a laugh that he started doing it deliberately for a while, with his grin that says he knows perfectly well that he’s playing to the crowd.

Another time, I tried to trick him, but he saw through it. We were rehearsing animal sounds at the time. (I liked to get him to work on “hiss” for snake, to practice his S’s.) Then he got distracted, as he often does, and pointed up to a vase on the table: “LOOook! Flower!” So naturally I asked him “What sound does a flower make?” Just to see what he would do. He stared at me for a few seconds, clearly thinking hard, then said “I [s]mell it!” Not gonna put one over on him, no sir.

Lacey also told me about one of his best new words, though I didn’t get to observe it “in the wild,” as it were. Apparently he has an oscillating fan in his bedroom, and at some point, someone told him that word. Then one day, he was walking along a curb, with one foot up on the curb and one foot off, rocking up and down as he went. Lacey asked him what he was doing and he said, entirely unprompted, “I’m off-ill-ating!”

Conversations with Guy, Volume I: Chapter 2

First of all, I have to say that this is really just about one of the best photos ever. Guy looks like he’s regaling me with some of his most humorous anecdotes. As he probably is. When these posts are someday published in an encyclopedic set of books, that photo will be on the cover.

I just spent a few days up in Portland with the Glanvilles, and since Guy’s last visit down to California only a month ago, he’s improved a number of words. “Piaaaaa” has now become more recognizably “fish,” “ngyo” has become “owange,” and he has even graced me with a extra letter in my name: I am now “Tamva.” Perhaps by the next visit I can be up to three syllables. Oh, and he also says “muncle” at me sometimes, which the rest of the family has been doing since he was born, but which I hadn’t heard from him before. (That’s a “monk uncle,” for those of you who haven’t heard.) It’s adorable.

Another thing he’s doing is stringing more words together into proto-sentences, or at least reasonably related groups. So for fun one evening I tried to get him to call me “yellow muncle Tandava.” This is what happened:

(Me:) Can you say “yellow muncle”?

(Guy:) ’ellow!

(Me:) “Yellow muncle”?

(Guy:) ’ellow muncle!

(Me:) Good! Now can you say “yellow muncle Tandava”?

(Guy:) [mischievous grin]

(Me:) You can do it… “yellow muncle Tandava”?

(Guy:) BUM!

He’s also collecting some other interesting new words, like “hummingbird” and “kombucha.” He can mimic pretty well sometimes, too, even if he doesn’t know what we’re talking about. We got him to say reasonably credible versions of “authenticity” and “symmetrical,” for reasons that made some sort of sense at the time. “Euphemism,” however, is still stuck at “eh-VOOM.”

I spent a great deal of the time there reading books with fascinating plots, mostly involving colors and numbers. Guy would often get tired of a book before I was finished, though I would naturally want to see how they ended (not having read these thousands of times like Lacey has). So there would be a little struggle, with Guy saying “no” and “all done” repeatedly, and eventually wresting the book away from me. After which he would say “good job,” in a tone that implied “don’t feel bad, you tried your best.”

Conversations with Guy, Volume I: The Early Years

After spending the last 10 days with my adorable, almost-two-year-old nephew, I'm not always sure whether I'm teaching a language or learning one. It can be quite entertaining, though Lacey still has to translate for us a lot.

Guy has standardized the pronunciation of my name to “Tama.” For a brief period of time a couple months ago, it was “TanBbBbBbBbBb,” but that seems to have been too much work. A great many of our conversations now go something like this:

“Tama?”

“Guy?”

“Tama.”

“Guy.”

“Tama!”

“Guy!”

“Tamaaaaaa :-)”

“Guyyyyyy :-)”

“Tama….”

“Guy….”

“BRAAAAAAIIIIIIINNNNNS!!!!!”

“Yes, that was the train going by. Very good!”

“Tama.”

“Guy.”

And so on. Pure poetry, that. We had similarly scintillating discussions regarding the repeated opening and closing of sliding glass doors, which he was getting very good at operating (given copious amounts of practice).

He does have quite a remarkable number of words at his disposal, though, in spite of what the above may imply. Many of them involve food, including such relatively obscure items as chia seeds, edamame, and quesadillas. Though the first time he used the latter on me, I responded almost automatically with “It’s Saturday.” But then Lacey reminded me that he doesn't speak Spanish, and has trouble with S’s.

We also get to watch him pick up new words even (so to speak) as we speak. We visited Jim in Santa Cruz one day, where he learned the word “ocean” (“otun”). Then as we were trying to get him ready to leave, he wandered into a room where he found a suitcase. As he is inordinately fascinated by suitcases (“too-ca-ca”), Lacey remarked in despair: “Oh no, he found a suitcase. We’re doomed.” Upon which Guy ran from the room waving his arms, crying “Doooooom!” He repeated his trick when we recounted the story for Mom the next day, but we've all been laughing at the word so much that I think it's safe to assume he doesn't know what it means.

Speaking of making us laugh, one of the first things Hugo told me when they all arrived was how Guy has been learning his colors and keeps calling things “yellow” all the time. So naturally we pointed to my shirt and said “Guy! What color is this?”

With a big grin he replied “-ite!”

“No, not white! What color is it?”

More enthusiastic this time: “Boooooo!”

Another try, and now he’s totally laughing at us: “Geeeeen!”

He went through all his colors before finally admitting that it was actually “-ellow.”

Another time, we took a break from the playground to go inside and get a drink of water (“ca-ca” — yes, we’ll need to do something about that particular pronunciation). After we were done at the sink, we made it as far back as the door before he wanted water again. So we went back, got another drink, got back to the door… and then had to go back for yet another drink. By this time he was grinning mischievously, and also rather giving himself away by asking for “door” after water, rather than “playground.” So I eventually escaped that cycle.

So anyway, this has been excellent communication practice for both of us, I think. They're heading home today, but I'll get to see them again in about a month, when I'll probably get to learn a whole new batch of Guy vocabulary.

Christmas Card 2010

Cheryl and I sent out Christmas cards this year, but due to the sheer, overwhelming number of wonderful people we know, we inevitably missed some of you. But never fear! Now you can print out your own card at home! It's even customizable — just check the boxes that best suit your desired holiday experience and voilá! Enjoy!

Me and the Impending Doom

This weekend, I got to be part of a small reader's theater production at the Ananda Easter brunch and festivities. We did an adaptation (by Dambara) of P.G. Wodehouse's story "Jeeves and the Impending Doom," which was a great deal of fun. I played the part of Bertie Wooster, and was joined by Nirmoha (Jeeves), Mom (Aunt Agatha), Tim (Bingo Little), Nishkama (Mr. Filmer), and Cheryl (swan). And, as luck would have it, we were video taped! So if you like this kind of stuff, have a look, and enjoy!


Wodehouse Play 4/4/2010 from Ananda Palo Alto on Vimeo.

Halloween Limericks

Mom is having a Halloween Limerick contest at work and enlisted my suggestions. Here's what you get when you leave me alone for an hour with that idea. Make up your own and leave them in the comments!

From the "I Can't Believe I Ate the Whole Bag" Department

Start with Gobstoppers, Skittles, and Twix,
Add some Baby Ruth bars to the mix,
Stir in the Kit Kats,
And some marshmallow bats,
And your sweet tooth will have quite a fix!

Butterfinger, Snickers, and Mounds,
I measure my carbs by the pound!
With 3 Musketeers,
Coming out of my ears,
My failing heart makes not a sound.

From the "Scary Yet Repentant" Department

When a frightening thing with a sack,
Shows up at the door of my shack,
I shoot it on sight,
Then, very contrite,
I go bury the child out back.

From the "Arsenic and Old Lace" Department

Where the old Brewster sisters abide,
You'll find several dead bodies to hide,
The elderberry wine,
Masks arsenic, strychnine,
And a pinch -- just a pinch! -- of cyanide.

(Yeah, I know, it doesn't scan quite right. Oh well.)

From the "Off-Topic But At Least It's Bipartisan" Department

What really fills me full of fright,
Is the week after Hallowe'en night,
Whether terrorist-pleaser,
Or a senile geezer,
I surely do hope we choose right!

From the "Teasing Mom About Her Limerick Attempts" Department

If your badly-planned limerick dies,
Just pray from the dead it may rise,
To terrorize villages,
With rapings and pillages,
And possibly gouging out eyes.

Ceci n'est pas un pont

Rowyn and I went to the Portola Redwoods State Park yesterday and had some lovely hikes around the little network of trails there. However, Pescadero Creek wends its way through there as well, crossing the trails at numerous points, and it turns out that most of the footpath bridges are only temporary, and are still dismantled from the winter.

The first time we came to a supposed crossing, we found the metal frame of the bridge hauled up on shore, along with a number of planks that probably had provided the solid footing for it. There was no other easy way to cross that we could see, nor could we spot a continuation of the trail on the other side, so we figured it wasn't worth wading. (There was a good picnic spot on a mossy rock, though, from which we watched other folks attempt to navigate the crossing.)

We backed up and came at the creek twice more with the same result: no bridge (at least not over the water), no handy rocks or logs, and no visible path on the other side anyway. We also tried options that weren't on the map (purely by accident, as the map was quite unclear about the [non]existence of various paths). Eventually we found a crossing with a thin, bouncy, fallen tree trunk stretched across it, and that did the job.

This let us make our way to the only specific scenic location we knew of and therefore our nominal goal: Tiptoe Falls. They're called "tiptoe" because they're just baby falls, and you never know when they might be napping, so you need to sneak up quietly on them. From a dizzying height of, oh, about 5 feet, they plunge thunderously into ankle deep water. Scenic in its own small way, though.

After that, we figured the easiest way back would be to find our way to the bridge on the service road, since the map didn't just show it as a dotted line crossing the creek, but three solid lines clearly indicating "solid, permanent, honest-to-goodness bridge on a road." When we got there, after several more inaccurate paths and some forging through the woods, here's what we found to get us across:

1. A concrete block, as if from an extinct dam.
2. A narrow, wobbly plank over the water.
3. A nearly vertical, muddy bank with no path or steps.
4. A fire hose tied around a stump at the top and dangling down the slope so you could haul yourself up.

Hacky, but it worked.

Anyway, it was a lovely hike overall, and all the map and bridge silliness just gave us more mileage out of the little trails. We also saw newts (one of which dropped out of a tree at us), slugs (of the banana variety), and fairy doors in trees.

[p.s. here's the the title reference.]

Things Everybody Knows

Mom is behind on the Harry Potter reading, so I was reading some of it out loud to her, and we had stopped to discuss names at one point.

Mom: ...and of course, "Dumbledore" is Anglo-Saxon for "Bumblebee."
Me: [blank look] really...?
Mom: Oh, sorry, I thought everyone knew that.

She evidently reads different books than the rest of us. :-)

Try to Find Me

Inspired by Lara's post on the same subject, I thought I'd list some of the more amusing searches that have led folks to my blog recently.

help i have too many books
Do you want a support group or someone to take them off your hands? I could probably go for either option.

a spell to ask for a particular thing
First step: decide which particular thing it is that you want.

paranormal monee
My grandmother is not paranormal. (At least, I think not.) Though on further Googling, I learned that Monee is actually a town in Illinois.

mandolin noises
I sound better than that, really.

today is my last day
And you're spending it reading my blog? Go out and tell your family you love them or something.

screwing at the contra dance
You, too. Go away. It's not that kind of a dance.

a sentence with the word iconoclast in it
"'Hello,' said I. 'Hello,' replied the iconoclast." (Courtesy of Rhymes with Orange, though I can no longer find the link to the exact strip.)

enunciation work on
Grammar fix you should first, Yoda.

they might be giants lindy hop
Off the top of my head, all I can think of is Too Cool Girls with the Velcro Horns. Any other ideas? (Miriam?)

concentrate on being good
I don't know if surfing the web will help with this. Though my blog is probably a safe place to land, amid all the smut and evil out there.

c.s. lewis terrarium
Really? He's in a terrarium? I don't actually know what to make of this.

cleopatra actual replica
Is "actual replica" an oxymoron or a tautology?

what is good for your false vocal chords
Singing songs about lies?

Two Halves of One Plant

A month or two ago, Mom and I each got an Amaryllis bulb. While they appeared to be separate bulbs, and were even sold in separate boxes with separate pots, we're beginning to suspect that they are, in fact, only one plant.

After planting, mine almost immediately sent a stalk shooting straight up into the air. It reached probably 20 inches in height, then opened up at the top into four equally spaced flowers radiating out from the top of the pole. One or two leaves remained at the bottom, barely poking their tips out from the bulb, not daring to go any farther.

Mom's Amaryllis just sat around for a couple weeks, then started working on the leaves. She now has several leaves almost two feet tall, and suspects it will basically just turn into an Amaryllis bush, sans flowers. Amaryllis disappointicus, we call it. She got the leaves and I got the flowers.

However, now that my plant is done flowering, the leaves are starting to grow. So maybe they just take turns, and Mom's leaves will die off in a bit, making way for some flowers. This page claims I can get mine to flower again, though I don't know if that would sabotage the poor little leaves trying to get their turn in the sun. We shall see.

The Funniest

I can blame Jen for leading me to my newest source of continual amusement. TheFunniest.info is a web-based voting project to find the funniest image in the world. The more you vote, the more of the pictures you get to see, and some of them have gotten me laughing pretty hard (some favorites include the monorail cat, the pirate keyboard and "receive bacon"). You can see the current top winners here.

(And by the way, this project is run by the guy who does xkcd, which is itself full of wonderfully funny things.)

Seattle

So far this weekend I've had at least three separate people come up and express to me how sad they are that I'm moving to Seattle. Unfortunately, no one has yet been able to tell me when I'm moving, which is a bit worrisome, since I haven't started packing. I'm still trying to track down a decent "why," as well as the "when," but all we really seem to have so far is the "who" and the "where." If anyone has any further details, please let me know. Luckily, Tracey has offered to put the entire dancing population of the bay area in a bus and haul everyone up to Seattle with me if I move there, which is nice, since I don't really want to leave here anyway.

Note: If anyone wants to help spread the alternative rumor, the story is that I married a biker chick, moved to Seattle to practice underwater welding, opened a motorcycle repair shop that went bust, and now am actually moving back to the bay area. Thanks to Lisa for helping sort this all out.

Anagrahams

Alright, just because I haven't posted for a while. Did you know that my full name can be rearranged to spell "slosh a warm dragon"? Or "oh, worms as garland." Or, perhaps best of all, "world has an orgasm." Wow. I knew I was put here on Earth to do big things, but... gee golly.

Punxatawny Graham

I poked my nose outside my apartment this weekend, saw my shadow, and decided it was springtime. And you know what that means. Yep. Short hair again.

Here leezard, leezard, leezard....

Here's a funny drawing of mine I found, from back in high school. Lacey and I were working at Moss Landing Marine Labs at the time, on a big project involving legless lizards. One of the ladies at the lab had a pet chihuahua named (I think) Sergio, who was sort of a little mascot for us. We wanted to train him to be a lizard hound and help us track and catch the little critters, but no luck. I did, however, have fun drawing him as such. The lizards weren't really quite that big, but some of them could probably still have put up a good fight against little Sergio.

Washington with a Mustache

After a recent spate of Marx-Brothers-movie-watching, I went and found Monkey Business, by Simon Louvish to read more about them. Fascinating. I had never even realized there was a fifth brother, Gummo Marx, who never went so far in show biz with the others. The most fun bit, though, may be reading bits of scripts that never made it into movies. I especially loved this quote, from a show called "On the Balcony" in the '20's, before their movie days. Groucho is trying to get some musicians to stand in for his unmusical sons, for reasons hopefully relevant to the plot:

Groucho (on the telephone): Hello, Gumchewer, give me two wrong numbers, then give me the Musicians' Union. "Union," u-n-u-n. Hello Une. Say, have you got a couple of men who are out of work? Oh, they're all out of work? Oh, it's a union. Well, send me a couple of men who look like me. What do I look like? Did you ever see Lincoln without a beard? Well, I look like Washington with a mustache.

(Quoted in Monkey Business, pg. 126)

Good stuff.

April Fool's Roundup

Some of my favorites from the April Fool's Day amusements so far:

• BoringBoring, a hilarious parody of BoingBoing, even down to the ads.
• GoogleGulp, an okay concept but the FAQ was what really made it funny.
• A new set of "life hacks" from 43 Folders.
• Yahoo! Slacker, "unless [they] don't finish it in time...."
• Scientific American gives up and goes with creationism.
• This wrench I found hiding under my windshield wipers. Probably not an April Fool's prank (more likely left behind accidentally after the last time in the shop) but randomly amusing just the same. You could only see it if you looked in at just the right angle, which is why I hadn't noticed it before.

Tonight is Friday Night Waltz, which will supposedly have many silly songs to be danced to. That should be fun.

Funny Gym

Dani was at the library tonight, so I was playing with her in between doing things like reinstalling OS 9 on ancient iMacs. Somehow or other, the subject of my weight came up, so I was joking that I only weigh one gram (since I'm exactly one Graham). Dani started to ask me if I exercise, and then seemed to have a bright idea about something.

Dani: Do you go to the Funny Gym?
Me: I don't think so. What's the Funny Gym?
Dani: You know. That's where they teach you to be funny and to be a good friend to kids and stuff.
Me: No, it sounds like fun, but I'm afraid I've never been there.
Dani (very insistent): But you have! That's why you're so good at it!

Awwww.

Some day I expect Dani will be a teenager and discover all the cute stories I've written about her here and be absolutely mortified. Oh well. She'll live. :-)

My Yahoo! My Yahee!

This video made me laugh harder than anything I've seen recently. Who knew lip syncing in front of a web cam could be so entertaining? The eyebrow was what just completely did me in, though.
(Found via the Yahoo! Search Blog.)

Goats

Kimmy was the mastermind behind our costumes for the Halloween party today. That means she got to be the goatherd and Goldman and I got to be the goats. Fun. Check out some of the other pictures from today, too. And Happy Blog-o-ween!