tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4003239.post4797174363803798183..comments2023-06-21T07:52:25.589-07:00Comments on Whistle Dance Blog: My Balance Theory of RelationshipsTandavahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00180822287717157663noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4003239.post-75502734186659892702008-04-15T13:01:00.000-07:002008-04-15T13:01:00.000-07:00Hi there - What a great post! “reinforce your stre...Hi there - What a great post! “reinforce your strengths and balance out your weaknesses”...that's where I've been going wrong all along!<BR/><BR/>p.s. thanks for the thoughtful comment on my tomato post :) <BR/><BR/>CAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4003239.post-90240247680638929862008-03-05T22:26:00.000-08:002008-03-05T22:26:00.000-08:00it is refreshing to hear a guy's perspective on su...it is refreshing to hear a guy's perspective on such matters. i like the fact that you recognize communication as being an important negotiating tactic in achieving balance. i liked the fact you could elegantly explain some relationship dynamics in mathematical terms. i find your balance theory quite similar to the physiological mechanism of homeostatis and the processes the body initiates in order to maintain equilibrium. <BR/>Quote from academic paper "Ecological, biological, and social systems are homeostatic. They oppose change with every means at their disposal. If the system does not succeed in reestablishing its equilibriums, it enters into another mode of behavior, one with constraints often more severe than the previous ones. This mode can lead to the destruction of the system if the disturbances persist." this quote could very easily apply to relationships - and explain why people cling to destructive relationships. the desire to avoid change (a break up) is so great that people continue to mobilize efforts to work at a relationship or employ the fail safe tactics of denial or complete honesty and disclosure depending on persons involved. it also explains why people avoid relationships in the first place.dawahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00365647847503796249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4003239.post-29810702285161413362008-03-02T12:04:00.000-08:002008-03-02T12:04:00.000-08:00Eightoclock - I think that's a good point, and mer...Eightoclock - I think that's a good point, and merits an amendment to the theory. I think what you describe about moving closer together is probably something more likely to happen in the earlier stages of the process, when the whole relationship is being defined from the ground up anyway. If the middle ground exists and works for both people, then this whole issue is taken care of automatically. However, if it's too much of a stretch for someone, then at some point they'll be unable to keep it up and react in the opposite direction, which is when my theory comes more explicitly into play. (And I first came up with this description of it all after having reached such a breaking point, so I guess I had sort of assumed that context but not made it clear.)<BR/><BR/>Tali - The above may relate to your comment as well.<BR/><BR/>Bigg - I think you're correct, but everything you do as an individual still affects the relationship that you're a part of. E.g. back to our classic example, the introvert may stay home because he needs some quiet time for himself, but the extrovert partner may still be sad that she has to go to the party alone.Tandavahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00180822287717157663noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4003239.post-38137722079821161262008-03-02T11:12:00.000-08:002008-03-02T11:12:00.000-08:00Despite my slow commenting, this has been bouncing...Despite my slow commenting, this has been bouncing around in my head since I read it. I think "reinforce your strengths and balance out your weaknesses" is dead-on, as advice goes.<BR/><BR/>As for what really happens, though, I don't think that person A and person B move away from each other to the far-opposite ends of their comfort zones most of the time. I think more often they try to move toward each other, resulting in either a) expanding the comfort zones of one or both partners until there's an overlap or b) that axis simply becomes "outside the relationship" as the partners give up on that particular alignment. Option b isn't a bad thing since it ends the pulling and tugging -- but it can't happen on TOO many axes, or the relationship won't have enough to hold it together.<BR/><BR/>Extrovert/introvert is an axis on which it's very hard to give up, it should be said, since it's really hard for couples to have separate social lives. Maybe that's a good one to line up on. That and whether each person wants children.Rachelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04940407807876305964noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4003239.post-27289011761811902852008-03-01T20:07:00.000-08:002008-03-01T20:07:00.000-08:00intense subject to mull over, thanks for posting. ...intense subject to mull over, thanks for posting. this reminds me of a rough nite with the mock turtle i once had, and other push-me pull-you dancers i have known! i get a real kick out of the word relationship; subtract the ‘r’ from that and you get elationship, a little closer to what we all are looking for, in my case the closest i ever got to any relationships was yet another letter's deduction from the word making “elationhips,” proud of it! a nice respite from other derivatives such as: the dumper ship, the partner ship, must i go on?song of the selkiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09854774655566169078noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4003239.post-58679299081653678592008-03-01T13:35:00.000-08:002008-03-01T13:35:00.000-08:00Very interesting post. I guess I'd just add that ...Very interesting post. I guess I'd just add that another piece in the equation is self-time vs. couple-time. If there seems to be an imbalance in the relationship, the answer MAY be to seek out the balancing experience for yourself. This of course, requires another fine balancing act, making sure that the important needs of the relationship are still nutured. And of course that the experience isn't directly detrimental to the relationship. Don't ask me to try and fit THAT into a mathematical equation!BigGhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14923913081583300336noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4003239.post-15667196370558380542008-02-29T20:19:00.000-08:002008-02-29T20:19:00.000-08:00WOW, some heavy stuff there in Ideal Balance. I ha...WOW, some heavy stuff there in Ideal Balance. I had bookmarked this page to re-read it when I have a little more energy in me.<BR/><BR/>Very good read however!<BR/><BR/>-------------------<BR/>www.villageofmagic.com<BR/>Peace, Thoughts & Understanding.<BR/>A true spiritual sanctuary.CameronAerohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12158474855663210134noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4003239.post-18996381384470094792008-02-29T14:12:00.000-08:002008-02-29T14:12:00.000-08:00lol............the dance of the ages. Balance in r...lol............the dance of the ages. Balance in relationships. Assuming you mean between men and women, which isn't perhaps a fair assumption these days, the " balance " we seek is not easily defined . Love, caring and partnerships require more giving , than seeking one's own needs be met. <BR/><BR/>To look for a formula that can be used to give humans peace in a relationship would stop wars even. At home and in the larger world. I suspect humans will continue to struggle with balance. Finding it one's self first , then finding someone who wants to share who they are with you as you are...........now that's love. Peace.......http://www.behaviordogtraining.netapollohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10562279260323902271noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4003239.post-43230457938451730852008-02-29T13:11:00.000-08:002008-02-29T13:11:00.000-08:00Hmm. Good food for thought. I have definitely see...Hmm. Good food for thought. I have definitely seen/experienced the "drive for relationship average" play out in just the way you've described, and I've also definitely experienced the "opposites attract model for growth". I can't quite make them fit together though. It seems that in your "drive for relationship average" idea, an extrovert partying a lot will make an introvert pull back and want even more alone time than before, rather than resulting in a compromise where both are pulled towards the middle.tmbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11593721191720900930noreply@blogger.com